Breaking BETA

                For those who thought that this was going to be about a game, or a program, or something in a test phase, you’d be wrong. This is going to be about something much more important, and much more real. It’s about breaking out of being a BETA MALE! DUN DUN DUN~!!!

                If you don’t know what that means, then you should probably look it up. I don’t really feel like defining it in some long winded speech. Instead I’m just going to ramble on about how I’m not going to tell you what it means!  b( ^ - ^ ) 

To be honest, I’m more talking about being beta in terms of my love life, and not really any other part of my life. I’m not saying that I’m perfect otherwise, but love is where I really fall flat on my face. I’m pretty pathetic at it, and that really bothers me, so I’m trying to improve and break free. Maybe get a girlfriend eventually.

So why do I say I’m super beta when it comes to love? It’s not like I’m super awkward with girls; I don’t do the hover hand or anything like that. It’s just when it comes to asking them out, or anything date related. I love talking ABOUT relationships with them, but I just lack the confidence to actually ask them out. I find it terrifying, and I become short of words, which for me is a pretty big deal. My confidence level goes from hero to zero.

I usually give the excuse that I just get friend zoned, and I’m not saying that there isn't truth to that at all, but in my heart I know that it’s partly my fault. Another one I like to use is that I want to get to know them first. That’s not a bad thing, but there’s usually a time limit. She’s not going to wait forever for you to make a move, and someone might make a move before you do, right? But that’s what I do.

You might be wondering, “What happened? Were you born this way?” Well no, I don’t believe I was, but there is an origin story I like to tell. I had just got into grade 7 and was going through some rough school times, you know, bullying, no friends at the newish school (started when I was grade 5), and what not, so I wasn't the most confident guy around.

Anyway, I had a crush on a girl I knew for a while from my church, so I decided to do the only thing I could think of, write a love note. It was poorly written and I left if anonymous, obviously, and put it in her youth group mailbox. Well, even being the discrete kind of guy I am (near ninja level), she still manages to figure it out almost instantly. What happened? Rejection of course! But not just rejection, oh no; she got pissed, and got her friends to get mad at me, and I was suddenly hated at church too.

Well, safe to say that was the start of it all. I mean, the rest of the school stuff didn't help my confidence either, but I think I've recovered fairly well from those days, but starting a romantic relationship with girls still hasn't recovered.

The good thing is I’m trying to change! I’m slowly trying to step out of my comfort zone, and get out of this rut. My biggest dream is to get married and have a family, and that’s not something I can just do on my own.

My progress so far: I've asked a girl out on a legit date, not just the hang out friend date. The result was failure, but that’s okay! My next goal is to ask someone who I haven’t known for a long time and get a yes. Wish me luck! I’m breaking out of BETA!

Wrath of Khan 2.0

     For those of you who've talked to me in the past week, you probably know that I went to see the new Star Trek movie that came out Star Trek: Into Darkness. And for those who didn't talk to me, I'd like to tell you what I thought about the film; I didn't like it.

     I mean, it's not like I hated it! In fact, while I was watching it I felt that the movie was pretty okay. But that's the thing, it was just okay. And the more that I thought about it after the fact, the less "okay" it got. I LOVED the first revamp of the Star Trek universe, and having Sylar play another seemingly emotionless character was perfect!

     Then what's my whole issue with the whole thing? Well for one thing, it was just a revamp of the movie Star Trek II: Wrath of Khan taking place in the new alternate universe, which seems incredibly lazy. Granted the story isn't a retelling of the original, but they obviously take some major plot points from it. The biggest is where Kirk dies instead of Spock. They even have a cheesy conversation where they say that they just did what the other would of done.

     Another thing was just some of the really bad acting moments that happened during the movie. One that sticks out in my mind is where Alice Eve's character gets forcibly beamed off the Enterprise. She starts getting beamed off with some super advanced tech and her best idea to stop it is to run towards the lift flailing her arms? Come on.. In fact, her whole character seemed... unnecessary. I guess the fan service was nice, but other than that, she wasn't really needed.

     As far as "movie" things, that's really my biggest problems. You might be saying, "well that's not that bad, why are you crying so much?!" Well, maybe not, but the disappointment was still there. Like I said before, it kind of sets in and slowly gets worse over time. It's like these hot wings I like to get once in a while where the first few bites are okay, but then it hits you. And it doesn't stop there, it just keeps getting worse! Plus, milk doesn't help! That's MADNESS!!! So yeah, it's like that, but with disappointment.

     Perhaps I'm being too hard on the lens flare movie of the year. Looking back, I wasn't really in the best mood going into it due to the events leading up to it. Allow me to explain. If you've gone to a movie with me before, you know I can be pretty ocd about where I sit. I like to sit near the back, but not right at the back so I can get the surround sound experience. I also like to sit right in the middle, or if the middle is in the middle of two seats, in one of those seats. I've become quite proficient at locating those seats, and if it's a movie where you can book seats, well that makes everything so much easier! Unfortunately I was not the one booking the seats.

     I had to go do something, so I got my mother to get the tickets. Not only did she not get the seats right in the middle, but we also didn't catch the IMAX showing of the movie. When something is available in IMAX, I usually see it there just because I like the experience. I had already missed seeing Iron Man 3 in IMAX, I didn't want to miss this. Unfortunately it was sold out, so we went to the next best thing, Ultra AVX. Not bad, but not IMAX.

     Anyway, back to the seats. She ended up getting us seats in the very back and almost all the way to the left. I literally sat there before the movie started and part way through the previews looking straight ahead and thinking, "I can only naturally see half the screen. And I don't get the full surround sound experience!" I was pretty upset. When my mom saw the look on my face, I just said I was tired. Luckily she left it at that, but it was safe to say, I wasn't very impressed with how things were going.

     So, maybe the new Star Trek wasn't as bad as I thought and my distaste for the movie was the sum of the movies shortcomings and my movie going personal preferences. Perhaps I was just in a harsh mood. Then again, I'm pretty forgiving of movies, and didn't mind a lot of movies that send many away with a bad taste in their mouth; which means it was a sub par film. Who knows! This is, of course, just my opinion, and the only way to find out the truth is to boldly go to a movie you've never seen before!

The Death of a Hero

Yesterday, a hero died. Not an actual hero, but a fictional one. And he really didn't die yesterday, I just finished reading that he died yesterday, so to me I fee- well you get the point. The hero, or character if you will, that I’m talking about is Drizzt Do’Urden.

For those unfamiliar with the Forgotten Realms world and/or Dungeons & Dragons universe where he is most well-known, Drizzt is the name of a rogue drow (dark elf) ranger that is the main character in a large number of books. He’s well versed in combat and always trying to grow and find his way in the world above; all the while taking on grand adventures.

So why should I care that this character is dead? Fictional characters die all the time in literature, even main characters. Hell, from what I hear about the Game of Thrones series, EVERYONE dies eventually. What makes this character so important to me? Well, to me, Drizzt can almost symbolize my love of reading.

I’m not saying that now that he’s dead I’m going to stop reading books; that would be silly. So what AM I saying? Let me explain with a story.

When I was younger, I was never really interested in reading books. I’m not a fast reader, and I usually didn't find anything we read in English or L.A. very engaging. It showed with my terrible book related assignments. I mean, I liked reading manga when I discovered it, and some comics were okay too, but actual books were never my thing.

I would read the odd book here and there, something from my church library, or a” choose your own adventure” Goosebumps book, but nothing major. I still remember the only book that truly engaged me and interested me, The Stone and the Maiden. It was a fantasy book that was on clearance at the Cole’s book store at Northgate mall. But other than that, I hated to read.

I mentioned The Stone and the Maiden because it was a little bit after that when I first encountered the stories of the most interesting drow. I was in junior high at the time, and I don’t remember why I was even in the school library at the time. I think it was because I was actually looking for comics or manga to read. Instead I found a small paperback book describing a journey that a dark elf takes to escape his homeland.

To this day I have no idea why I ended up borrowing it, but I’m glad I did. I was instantly hooked on the story, but more-so on the interesting character that was Drizzt Do’Urden. For me, connecting to a character is probably one of the most important things to me in a story, and not really the story itself. I know this may apply to many people, but this is about me, not them!

I couldn't put the book down, and I was finished reading it in a few days. I had enjoyed the book so much, and was overjoyed to find a list of books on the first few pages of the book that took place in the same world; and better yet, it told me the title of the next book in the series I was reading. I went to the library after school that day and took it out, and when I was done with that I took out the next one.

I had soon read a good eight books in the few months following, the most books I have read in that length of time. But it wasn’t enough. I began going to the public library and looking for more books to read. I thought I had done it, I finally found a genre of book that I could get excited about! So I borrowed another fantasy book that seemed to have an interesting premise. To my disappointment, when I started reading, I found myself less than satisfied.

This dissatisfaction continued until I almost gave up on read novels again, but then I found him again. Drizzt. The Thousand Orcs had come out, and I found it sitting on the shelf. I was once again drawn into that wonderful world. Since then, I really only anticipated when the next book in the series came out, and nothing more. Even the side trilogy that followed two side characters was interesting to me.

No other writer has really captured me with a world and characters like R. A. Salvatore has with Drizzt. Even looking at the books I've bought with my own money, excluding World War Z and The Zombie Survival Guide, they’re all Drizzt related. But now he’s dead. Sure, some of the other characters had died before, but he felt like the glue holding it all together. And now that glue is gone. The worst part is (in my opinion), that his death wasn't worthy of a great character of his ability.

So Drizzt is dead, and so too perhaps, my main reason to be excited to read books. I know that there is another book coming out featuring Drizzt later this year, but I fear that it will only be an encore, a last hurrah.

What will I do then? Will I just simply reread the books? Finish reading the Drizzt stories that I have yet to read? What do I have to look forward to now?

This series has been with me for a long time, and looking back I’ve rarely deviated to read something else. I stated at the start that it would be silly to say that I would stop reading entirely, but what if I never find anything that grabs me like these books have. I was a really picky reader to begin with, and not much has changed in that sense.

 So where does that leave me? Well, all I've been able to as myself is:

“What now?”