If you
don’t know what that means, then you should probably look it up. I don’t really
feel like defining it in some long winded speech. Instead I’m just going to
ramble on about how I’m not going to tell you what it means! b( ^ - ^ )
To be honest, I’m more talking
about being beta in terms of my love life, and not really any other part of my
life. I’m not saying that I’m perfect otherwise, but love is where I really
fall flat on my face. I’m pretty pathetic at it, and that really bothers me, so
I’m trying to improve and break free. Maybe get a girlfriend eventually.
So why do I say I’m super beta when
it comes to love? It’s not like I’m super awkward with girls; I don’t do the hover
hand or anything like that. It’s just when it comes to asking them out, or
anything date related. I love talking ABOUT
relationships with them, but I just lack the confidence to actually ask them
out. I find it terrifying, and I become short of words, which for me is a
pretty big deal. My confidence level goes from hero to zero.
I usually give the excuse that I
just get friend zoned, and I’m not saying that there isn't truth to that at all,
but in my heart I know that it’s partly my fault. Another one I like to use is
that I want to get to know them first. That’s not a bad thing, but there’s
usually a time limit. She’s not going to wait forever for you to make a move,
and someone might make a move before you do, right? But that’s what I do.
You might be wondering, “What happened? Were you born this way?”
Well no, I don’t believe I was, but there is
an origin story I like to tell. I had just got into grade 7 and was going through
some rough school times, you know, bullying, no friends at the newish school (started when I was grade 5),
and what not, so I wasn't the most confident guy around.
Anyway, I had a crush on a girl I
knew for a while from my church, so I decided to do the only thing I could
think of, write a love note. It was poorly written and I left if anonymous,
obviously, and put it in her youth group mailbox. Well, even being the discrete
kind of guy I am (near ninja level), she still manages to figure it out almost
instantly. What happened? Rejection of course! But not just rejection, oh no; she
got pissed, and got her friends to get mad at me, and I was suddenly hated at
church too.
Well, safe to say that was the
start of it all. I mean, the rest of the school stuff didn't help my confidence
either, but I think I've recovered fairly well from those days, but starting a
romantic relationship with girls still hasn't recovered.
The good thing is I’m trying to
change! I’m slowly trying to step out of my comfort zone, and get out of this
rut. My biggest dream is to get married and have a family, and that’s not something
I can just do on my own.
My progress so far: I've asked a
girl out on a legit date, not just the hang out friend date. The result was
failure, but that’s okay! My next goal is to ask someone who I haven’t known
for a long time and get a yes. Wish me luck! I’m breaking out of BETA!
